TV Rants

---->Blossom

Ok the only reason to watch this show was Joey's ass. Or if you are a straight male Six's ass. You know if a gay man say a girl has a fine ass then it's something. And talk about Joey Lawrence, that guy grew up to be something didn't he.

Anyway I remember watching one episode where Blossom was complaining about having to go out with a nerd. I remember I kept thinking to myself "DAMN BITCH LOOK IN THE MIRROR."

That Blossom chick was one UGLY girl

She could UG herself to death.

She looks like someone beat her with an ugly stick.

You could push her in the lake and skim ugly for 2 weeks.

When she walks into a room mice jump on chairs.

If she jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge they wouldn't call it a suicide they would call it pollution.

---->Andy Griffith Show

I hate Aunt Bee. She is a

Fat
Ass
Free
Loader

They ought to call her "FAFL." I feel like saying "GET A JOB BITCH." And her name is Beatrice, why do they spell it BEE.

Remember the episdoe where FAFL wanted to get a freezer. WHY? There is only three of them. 'Cause she eats all the food. That's why Opie is dopie. Not enough nutrition.

I loved the episode where the baby she was taking care of despised her. Right on kid!!!

Then there was Howard, the orginal homosexual. Does anybody truly believe that if Mayberry was updated to 2006 Howard would be straight???

Remember the episode where Howard the homo, was to marry Millie but Howard was a cheap ass, so she dumped him. Then she hooked up with Sam, on the continuation series Mayberry RFD. It was never mentioned again.

I liked it when Goober blackballed Howard. Howard was also the closest thing Mayberry had to a yuppie, but in reality he was a pretentious snob.

Then there was Opie. Ok that's just an ass-hole name. That's enough said about that. Except that he was always wiggling that fat girlish ass of his.

So basically you had

Goober -- The Simp
Floyd -- The Gimp
Barney -- The Whimp
Aunt Bee -- The Blimp

---->The Flintstones

I HATE when the Flintstones get disproportional to each other. It really irritates me.

Remember the episode where Fred moves away from Barney so he can't be a bad influence on Pebbles. In the part where Pebbles breaks the vase. Her head is HUGE. It's bigger than Fred's head.

Or when they have Ann Margrock on the show. First the Ann or Annie, as she calls hereself hides, because she wants to get rest. Now there's a great alias, yeah no one would think ANN could be ANNIE?

And finally we see her at her concert she performs ONE, yes ONE SONG, and that's it. Then she says "Goodnight" to Pebbles and the show is over. She needs to hide so she can rest to do ONE song??

So she brings out Fred and Barney and they perform THE SAME SONG AGAIN. Wow what a show. Of course the song was cool.(insert lyrics)

Next up Pebbles. Ok that is stupid. Why not name her ROXANNE. It has rocks in it and it is a REAL name. Stupid writers

Now if you look at it Betty (who, take note Rosie O'Donnel was SUPPOSED to be the pretty one) she is the most advanced evolutionarly speaking.

Betty has whites in the eyes AND a waist.

Fred is next, because he has whites in his eyes, but no waist

Wilma has a waist but no whites

Barney has no waist and no whites.

Finally, did you notice technically speaking Fred and Barney wear dresses... Hmmmmmm

---->Three's Company

Did you see the one where Jack and Chrissie (or Terri) are in the bathroom (or kitchen) and Janet or Mr Furley overhears and think they are having sex but they aren't.

Gee I'm getting a pattern here.

Ok I liked it when they had Chrissie and the Ropers. Helen and Stanley Rocked!!!.

But I hated the fact that no woman could could be within 5 miles of Jack without trying to sexaully molest him. That would never happen in real life.

John Ritter was pudgy and fat, with a gut. I love his "I have a 32 inch waist" Yeah right if he never exhales he does.

At least Larry was an ugly creep but funny

Oh and I wonder what happened to Pricilla Barnes. Well Pricilla do us all a favor and take that secret to the grave because...NO ONE CARES!!

---->The Brady Bunch

Actually I like this show I have one main problem with it. The dog. What the hell kind of a name is TIGER for a dog? That's like having a cat and naming it WOLF

Did you see the episode where Mike and Carol are fighting over closet space and Mike complains his closet space isn't big enough and Carol's taking too much...Hmmmmmm

Another rant is when they are building the house of cards. Marcia's bracelet nearly knocks the card house over. Why didn't she just take off the bracelet???

And speaking of Cindy. Besides being moronic, I think she was dyslexic. Remember when Alice got a call from a man trying to take her money. Cindy wrote the note and Alice says it looks like "Maker Malldril. (spelled phonetically). But it was Mark Millard. Now if you take Mark and make it Makr, and Millard and make it Maldril it works. Cindy had the right lettes but mixed them up.

And Alice, I love the way she dates Sam and some old boyfriend she hasn't seen in years calls her up and she dumps Sam's ass like yesterday's garbage.

I loved her Lesbian Cousin, Emma. They should have introduced Emma by having the moronic Cindy say (mistaking Emma for Alice) "Gee Alith, you're thirtenly looking butch today."

---->Eight Is Enough

If eight were really enough then why did they adopt the Karate Kid?

And the dad was old enough to be Betty Buckley's father

I always thought Mary was a lesbian. She was actually Don "Robbie on 'My Three Sons," Grady's" Sister

Though I will give them points for seemingly finding every opportunity to have Grant "David" Goodeve, and Willie "Tommy" Ames, take their shirts off.

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